Smile tis the season! As important as the coming holidays are, so also is our mental clarity and emotional state of well-being. The season of gifting, partying and rapid fire multi-tasking! A lot of people have different plans and different views regarding the coming holidays and never for once give a minute to plan for their well-being.

As the holiday season falls upon us, I am bestowed with humility by the many who may feel the silent night of the holidays and even slighlty depressed by the recent loss of a loved one or difficult health situation. Our moods are likely to be malnourished after too much celebratory eating, and of course the excessive amount of holiday cocktails. Yes, the Egg Nog Martini's can lead to excessive amounts of alcohol and as well high sugar consumption. Movement and exercise tends to also take the back seat during this time of year in further sabotaging our physical and emotional well-being. 


Ok, health and wellness practitioners have been talking about holiday stress since it has become admired as a super power to be stressed-out and exhausted the majority of the time.

So why does stress and emotional well-being continue to be such a hot topic on most media outlets? Well let's connect the dots for a moment, holiday is a day of:

exemption from work
a time or period of exemption from any requirement 
a duty 
assignment 
a feast day 
a period of cessation from work 
a day of recreation  

All I can think about when I read this definition of "holiday" is fun, enjoyment, even a break from the normal work grind, and celebrating life! Where is stress found in any of these definitions?


Stay with me, so let's consider the nature and effects of stress. 

Stress in it's most simplistic form is the body's reaction to change that demands that we make physical, mental, or emotional adjustments. In awakening the inner nature of Rocky IV fight or flight response, stress can cause tension throughout the entire body. Producing more excess for the holidays in now awakening inflammation, leading to headaches, digestive problems, ulcers, insomnia, fatigue, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and all sorts of issues resulting from the intensity of stress in your life. The most common emotional response to stress is anxiety, anger and depression.


So what's really going on during the holidays?

I could write about a host of things that add to stress and difficult emotional well-being during the holidays and here are just a few in mentioning. 

Over spending: Fears of not being able to follow through with "YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, AND YOU GET A CAR for your loved one's"! The stress of meeting these sort of expectations can be quite overwhelming and often compounded by self shaming. 

Anxiety: The anxiety of shopping, hosting and entertaining family when you are already overworked and exhausted.

Loneliness: It's estimated that 43 percent of Americans are single, and nearly 30 percent of Americans live alone. When others are with their families, it can be very painful for those who are alone.

Grief: Missing a deceased loved one who won't be joining you. For this reason seniors have more to grieve. 

Estrangement: When you're not on speaking terms with a relative, family get-togethers can usher in unwelcomed feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment or inner conflict about whether or not to communicate. 


Ok, let's discuss a few tips to physical and emotional well-being this holiday season. 

1. GPS and plan ahead: Rather than doing things on the "fly stand by route at LAX", make sure you set aside specific days for shopping, decorating, entertaining and holiday activities.  

2. Keep it real: Many that struggle with anxiety and depression do their best to hide their feelings during the holidays. They often think that because everyone else is showing off thier smile, they should too. But the truth is that you can't force yourself to be cheerful and carefree if that's not what you are connecting to. It's ok to take a moment to cry just as it is to smile once in a while.

3. Get Outside: Studies have shown that the average American puts on a pound or two during the holiday season. Weight gain, especially when it is the result of overindulgence, often adds to more stress and guilt, which in many circumstances exacerbates the symptoms of depression. Nothing like the great outdoors and fresh cold air to nourish you physically, mentally and soulfully!  

4. Keep with the script: Even if you have additional responsibilities, it is not necessary to alter your daily routine all that much as long as you can plan ahead. In fact, altering your schedule too much could cause additional stress in adversely affecting your sleep pattern and in being the best version of yourself!

5. Get still and meditate: Yes, I've been meditating long before it became mainstream. And I can still recall the looks I would get if I dared mentioned the practice of meditation in achieving mental clarity and optimal well-being. If you have never tried it, it really works to help you de-stress and reboot. Meditation clears the mind, renews and relaxes tension in calming.

6. Put a hold on taking care of everyone else but yourself: Take some me time! Restoring your inner calm doesn't always have to mean meditation, yoga and hiking. Explore alternatives that work for you and only you, something you might not know about. Some of which might even let you tap into your more creative side and especially for the holidays!

7. Nourish in supplementing while on the go: Good nourishment feeds and optimizes the brain. When we are deficient in any of these key areas for optimal cell efficiency we can be put at a pre-dispostion of putting further stress and imbalance on the body. With time usually being an issue and eating on the go during the holidays, we don't often have too many options of eating clean based foods. So, make sure to implement a form of supplement in nourishing some key areas of the body that may be lacking some of the essential vital nutrients.  


Most importantly take notice to what's good and new this holiday season?

You then might be able to find the beauty of the holidays and let go of all the extra pressure on social expectations to have the Hallmark Holiday's episode for ourselves. Don't put so much focus on the disappointments but rather embrace the blessings of what matter most in finding harmony in health, love and happiness.  


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Welcome November and MOvember! Yes, MOvember in which marks a celebrated time for us men to show off our hipster look! All in raising awareness for prostate cancer and men's health.

MOvember has raised over $850 million dollars and $175 million dollars has come from our neighbors in Canada.  


So why do men avoid the conversation of their emotional and physical health? 


Top on the list according to a few surveys is a fear of acceptance in the areas we are lacking nourishment of health and well-being. A fear that something might actually be wrong and especially in being uncomfortable with certain physical exams such as prostate checks.

I can recall a year ago in waiting at a local medical exam facility and witnessing an outpatient coordinate with precision a last minute phone call as if a fire drill had occurred and needed to suddenly with medical emergency re-schedule his prostate exam. 

A number of excuses in making self-care a priority include. "I don't have a doctor(the first step towards health is checking your insurance listings or ask for a referral), "My insurance won't cover it(call your insurance company), "I'm fine(don't use google to diagnose what your body might be trying to tell you), "I don't want to spend out of pocket it's a waste of money(if you think spending time on health is expensive, try spending time at the hospital), "Seeing a physician or health and wellness practitioner doesn't do anything(when you need your teeth cleaned you see a dentist, when you need a haircut you see a barber or stylist so when it comes to maximizing the body's healing potential a mix of conventional and integrative approach seems like a positive direction), "I will just tough it out(this was instilled to us early on in sports but even a professional athlete has to look at what's best for the long-term)."  

Men tend to have that dangerous "men don't cry" bravado "what I don't know won't kill me" approach to health and well-being which is all but true in even further jeopardizing men's health. This is a huge strain on our health care system that men in particular have a limiting approach to health and well-being. 

I get it, men can spend hours watching a ball game and debating the outcome of the game. And even more time planning a boy's trip to Vegas! 

But dare request an hour check-up with their physician and then meeting with a Health Coach regularly between doctor visit's to discuss wellness goals? 


Men, I'm here to tell you that this is all inexcusable and we need to make our health more of a priority and that's what MOvember is all about. Are you still with me fellas? 

We'll take the time to maintain and maximize our cars performance, but we often won't take the same in ourselves emotionally and physically.  

On average, men live fewer years than woman and also more likely to die from 9 of the top 10 deaths which include heart disease, cancer, stroke and diabetes. 

Yes, women are much more proactive and open to Q & A than men about their personal health and well-being. The complacency in men is a premature celebration of a few studies indicating the life expectancy in men having improved but misinforming that far too many men are actually experiencing a compromised quality of life and not truly living.  

Maximizing your health and changing your quality of life starts with changing your perspective on wellness. Making a lifestyle change can be a lonely road and one of the most difficult things to do. But I've seen it done, and continue to learn from those who I have helped achieve optimal wellness. 


What changed my perspective on life?

At a very young age, I struggled in watching my granddad who I loved dearly grapple with his health both emotionally and physically after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

Granddad was stubborn in spending the majority of his fifty young years sabotaging his health with the overuse of tobacco, alcohol, stress and over consumption of all that is considered comforting food.

And even believed listening and talking to someone about his health would kill him first before the truths of what he did not want to hear.  

The experience that would change my life forever would be in having to watch helplessly my granddad collapse from a massive seizure. And than like the final round of a championship bout, arise bloodied but not counted out from what we all assumed was the end.

And as he stumbled back to his favorite recliner, he slowly looked around at his training corner of I and my parents who were still in shock. Then shook it off and took a shot of his favorite scotch and while still hands trembling he was able to muster a request of a light to his cigarette.  


So what's the eye test and moral of this story?

Hey my fellow men from the US and abroad I see you! It's time for us to step it up for ourselves and take accountability for becoming the healthiest version of ourselves.

I've made a commitment to myself in helping others nourish emotionally, physically and soulfully. I'm asking here and now for you to do your part in making self-care a priority.

OK, have you ever been told that there are no good reasons for seeing your doctor and talking to someone regularly about your health and well-being? If so, these are only more excuses.   

So bring it with your beard and moustache growing this MOvember and let the adventure begin! And I ask you what are you going to for yourself this week, this month, starting today?

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Sometimes people say things that really make us feel in the dark and not too loving about ourselves. They are trying, but aren't always as patient and supportive with words in encouraging the best of ourselves. 

OK let's be real, most people are listening with a different intention and care less about understanding and more about giving advice. I get it, this topic is not always an easy subject for most people. When having a one-on-one conversation, I'm often faced with the question of what actually helps to say to someone they deeply care about who is going through something really difficult. A life-changing dilemma that keeps you from getting much if not any sleep.

Our loved one's matter deeply to us and real changes aren't as easy as it may seem by simply giving advice. Am I right? 

Think about it, what happens in a typical day and how many people are actually listening to a conversation without media scrolling and being fully in the moment? This is how your mind speaks to you when it comes to making changes. And all the inner chatter of conflict gets in the way!

Sometimes, that voice inside your head is the most determined to hurt you. Hurtful enough to affect your self-esteem and ultimately your well-being. That voice that keeps you stuck in the negative Breaking News at the hour cycle. Destructive endless voices that really do not serve you except reinforce more fear into making the changes necessary for this life! 

When it comes to this sort of deep conversation, you may listen with intent and caring but have difficulty with what to say. 

You find yourself making decisions before that difficult conversation has even started. Not even half way through the conversation you find yourself interrupting and personalizing anecdotal experiences. This is all understandable to human nature, people are attentive for those things that fit in with their views but dismissive to any views that do not and then typically advise only to what's more comfortable.

Nobody is perfect and we all deeply care about our loved ones and only want them to live and feel better. But when you personalize your own life's experiences and decisions, you might begin to concede to a tone of frustration and look for what you believe about yourself. With this comes the panic response of what you should never say. "You don't want to do that, "that's not my problem, "you've told me that already, "stop being a victim, "I told you so, "let me fix it, "it's not so bad, "you don't need goals, "that's a waste of time, "and when you fail, "that's impossible and too risky, "we all have issues so don't worry so much, "why try it's your predetermined fate, "it's all the same you don't have choices."

This is particularly a problem in a one-on-one conversation especially if the other is unable to pinpoint their issue. 

So what have I learned? 

Each time I'm in a private coaching session an inner sense of empathy, patience and love to those I am conversing with in listening to their deepest concerns and issues. An experience that is so much more than outward, but an inward experience of awareness, empathy, listening and integration.

This all re-enforces the lessons and helps me truly appreciate the magnitude and hurdles that far too many people have to overcome to be in the best version of themselves. They have to battle and contend in life each and every day. 

As much as we wish to compel deep and lasting change upon our loved ones. Mandatory and imposed conversation is not always the best solution. But guided discovery and perspective helps the individual connect and facilitate an easier change. With this gentle process of health and well-being, change will then happen in its own time, moment and place when least expected.

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Sure, things have changed a little but for how long? You know, it's just a matter of time. I get it, you keep doing what you are doing hoping that this magical solution is the solution to all of your concerns of well-being. Which often leads to making your personal situation even worse. Well I'm here to tell you that lthere are no simple solutions for maximizing well-being.

We are a highly advanced, complicated being of many different programs of health and well-being. If you want to turn the corner in all areas of your life in creating balance mentally, physically and emotionally. You have to base your improvements on common knowledge, reported evidence and advice from experts.   

What's Working for You and What's Not Working for You?

When meeting with people for the first time they typically think I'm going to just make recommendations of eating more salads and exercise. This is just a fraction of your health and maximizing well-being is so much more than this simple recommendation.

All too often this approach of just counting calories and miles is considered a failure because of how people look at themselves compared to what our culture considers a success.

Impatience set's in and now we feel there is a new magic solution just waiting for us behind that curtain. This is where the mistake occurs in dumping a touchdown that takes timely strategic game planning for a Hail Mary Pass!

Before attempting another Hail Mary! What has worked for you in the past? What have you done that others have complemented? How has your well-being affected your relationship? How would those closest to you describe your self-care? Where do you feel most stressed and the most resistance in your body and life? What would it look like for you to alleviate what's stuck? 

We all have patterns that keep us constantly switching lanes in a traffic jam instead of staying in a lane that just works. Still looking for the easy route? 

You Don't Know What You Don't Know

It's ok to read and google for just about anything, but you should also look for wisdom and perspective from the experience of those who are walking the talk. Books and search engines can be overwhelming and misleading in taking a much broader approach that has nothing to do with your personal situation. 

Stop Limiting Your Options of Well-Being

I spent many years of trial and error on new ways of health and happiness. Years of trying different diets, super juice and vitamin trends. Even becoming a vegetarian in thinking this was the only way to maximize well-being. I always felt deeply that something further was missing and as a practicing yogi, I never felt rooted and balanced from head to toe.

And then in 2010 I finally was shown a different path. A path with more light and less obstruction. A path that had been there all the time.

So What Changed?

I sought out an experienced mentor who had achieved much of what I wanted in well-being of mind, body and spirit. 

I was open to her connection to life and experience as a mentor and coach. She helped me redefine and gain a new perspective of all I considered health and happiness.

She looked into my past experiences and raised red flags when needed but most importantly allowed me to discuss my life goals and concerns with no judgment. I did not anticipate so many aha moments in just being myself and open to share my life experiences. I felt a renewed energy and optimism immediately after my first session.

Somtimes we need a different space in getting out of our own head of bad habits. Someone to point out what your life really looks like from a different perspective.

One size does not fit all and not everyone is able to invest in themselves as others for periods of time with a professional mentor. So what's next? 

I'm always humbled and amazed at how much we can learn about ourselves through the lives of others. See if you can find someone who is struggling with specific areas of well-being and think of ways in which you would help them. You might just find a few answers to your own life. 

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